Letters to Fang
by emgem2000
Summary: Letters that Nudge writes to Fang, after the events of FANG. No relevance to ANGEL. Don't be put off by the amount of chapters, they're almost all fairly short. And it's finally finished! :/
1. Chapter 1

**So... Set after Fang. Don't want spoilers? Don't read it. Simples. -Clicky thing- Aww, dang it. I just quoted a meercat...**

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You didn't know what you were doing when you left, Fang. Sure, you thought you did. You thought you were doing what's best.

But maybe, maybe your best and my best are different things. The Flock isn't the same since you went. We'll never truly be the Flock again, without you. Max hasn't left her room yet, and we don't know what to do. She won't eat, won't drink, won't sleep. She won't talk to any of us. It's you she needs, Fang. She's waiting for you. And it's not just Max, Fang. Gazzy hasn't exploded anything for almost a week, Iggy won't cook, Angel's eyes are always red and puffy, and Celeste is back to being her everything. And I worked out why, Fang, and it made me cry. That teddy might not hug back, but it's the only thing she can really depend on. If you've left, why shouldn't we?

I know you know where you're going, Fang. I hacked your account on the computer. I didn't tell Max, though. She wouldn't be able to handle it. Not now. But I showed Dylan what you wrote. I knew you'd want him to know why you were like you were. He turned and walked off, without saying anything. I think he was crying. I think he blames himself for the way Max is now.

You know, Fang, I don't think any of us really care anymore. Saving the World – it was all just an excuse, to let us stay together, forever. But we aren't the Flock. Not anymore. So when the apocalypse comes, I don't think we're going to do anything about it. There's no reason for us to survive anymore.

We need you to come back, Fang. You left so we could be the Flock again, but we can't. Not without you.

I know you'll probably never even see this letter, Fang. But maybe one day, you'll find it and read it. Come back, Fang. Please.

Nudge

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**Writing this actually made me cry. Sad face... There are more to come, if anyone wants to read them...**

**~ Em!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the reviews, guys! It means a lot. I write by hand, which is why they're so short. These are two whole pages of notebook! Sorry if I made/ almost made you cry...**

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I don't know why I'm even writing these letters, Fang. I don't think I'll ever see you again. What you said in your note, about meeting up again, in 20 years, won't happen. I think we both know that. I guess the Erasers are all gone now, but I can't help comparing us to them. Their lifespan was 7 years, tops. I know that you and Max and Iggy are all twice that, at least, but I can't help wondering. Will you three be first? Then me? Then Gazzy, and Angel. Dylan would be left on his own. He's part of the Flock now, Fang, but he's not you. He doesn't know how to get Angel back to sleep when she has a nightmare. She has a lot of nightmares, you know, since you left. He can't control Gazzy. He can't guide Iggy like you did. Or describe people with the detail you did. I can tell he trusts Jeb – just a little bit, but still enough. Max won't even look at him. Angel says she blames him for what you did. And he couldn't shut me up, if he needed to. But at the moment, no one has to shut me up.

Everything that's happened in the last year has changed me, Fang. I'm a year older, a year wiser. But when you left, it pushed me over the edge.

You are like a brother to me, Fang, but at the same time a father. Everything I've learnt, I've learnt from you and Max. You were the one who taught me to be silent. I guess talking was my natural instinct. I don't trust my instincts anymore.

To tell the truth, I don't think I really trust anyone anymore. You and Max were my mentors, the people I looked to, for help and advice. You know why I can't come to you anymore, and Max… Max has enough of her own problems to deal with. I can't give her my immature ramblings to cope with too. There's only so much one person can handle, and I think Max has reached that point. I think the rest of us are close, too.

I know you're not coming back, Fang, and I know there's no point hoping. But I can't help it. Without hope, I have nothing.

Nudge.

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**I have one more written, and I'll post that soon. I'm not sure about after that though. I will update, but I wrote these when I was sad about the book. I may have to wait until I'm in that mood again...**

**-Huggles- to everyone who read this!**

**~ Em!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Look! An update! It hasn't even been a week! (For me, that's insanely quick...)**

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Everything is starting to change again, Fang. I can't say it's going back to normal – nothing will ever be normal without you. But, slowly, life is moving on. I guess you can't know what happened to Iggy after you left. To be honest, I don't even know if you care. But I guess I'm going to write it anyway, seeing as though I can't do anything else.

Iggy has always been _the_ cook, and I guess he always will be. But when you left, Fang, his food wasn't… well, edible anymore. If Dr. Martinez hadn't been there, I don't know what we'd have done. Maybe Dylan can cook, but he hasn't proved it yet…

But back to the point. Iggy's now cooking stuff we can eat without getting food poisoning. But it's not as elaborate as before. It kinda sums up how we all feel, I think.

I guess you'd be pleased to hear that Max isn't catatonic anymore. Dr. Martinez made her eat yesterday. Chocolate chip cookies, of course. But when she smiled, it was forced, and her eyes, oh Fang, her eyes were empty. Like she's got nothing left. And that's because of you, Fang. You were her everything. I know she loves the rest of us, but what you had… It was special. I think the 2% in our genes comes from birds that mate for life.

I think, Fang, that you were Max's drug. And then when you left, she had to give you up – cold turkey. Y'know, some people don't – won't- survive when that happens. You've taken away her only lifeline, Fang, and now she has nothing left. She's just… burned out. A burned out shell.

20 years is a long time to live for, especially if you don't have a lifeline.

Nudge.

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**Y'know, these look so much longer hand written... **

**Not sure how long I'll take to update. I half-wrote another one. Right now I have no idea what it said. **

**Talking about right now, I have a German Writing Test I have to do for tomorrow. **

**So...**

**-Looks hopeful-**

**Review?**

**~ Em!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Yay! I wrote another one! And half of one after that! And then... -Shuts up- I won't ruin it...**

**The thing is, we seem to be getting a plot. So yeah... Could be interesting...**

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Well, Fang. We're coming to find you.

Because Max is back. Max, just as we've always known her. Exactly the same. But different. I can see in her eyes that she doesn't care anymore. She wouldn't fight Death. Erasers, Flyboys, yes. But not Death. She'd go down calmly, without a fight. If her time came, she'd accept it. If you were her, would your life be worth living?

Being Max, she made one of her Max-y snap decisions. 'We're going after him.' She said. We're leaving this lovely, safe, nice house where both nothing and everything has happened at the crack of dawn tomorrow.

Dr. Martinez and Ella don't agree, but they know Max by now. Nothing will change her mind. Ella was crying earlier, and Iggy went to comfort her. I'm not sure how that makes me feel.

Total and Akila are staying too. Without you, we definitely can't carry her, and Total won't leave her. Dylan's coming though. I don't think Max wanted him too, but it's the one thing we objected to.

It's not his fault you left, Fang. Or maybe it is, just a little bit. But you really did it because you thought it was best for the Flock. Seeing what it did to Max, I wonder what it did to you. It can't have been good.

The others don't think we'll find you. True, we have no clue where to look. If you don't want to be found, we won't find you. But I'm hoping – praying – that some part of you wants to come back.

You've not updated your blog yet I think you will soon. I don't think you can leave everyone hanging. Not like you did with us. Perhaps then, though, we'll have some clue where to aim for. I know you'll be careful what you write, but you aren't as good with computers as I am. Maybe, just maybe, you'll leave a trace.

I guess this is the last letter I'll be writing to you in a while, Fang. After tomorrow, I doubt there will be time, or space. But I'll leave these letters here, in case you change your mind. In case you come back and wonder where we all are. Just in case. Even though I know it'll never happen.

-Nudge

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**Like it? Thanks for all the reviews. They make me happy, (Hint hint...)**

**~ Em!!!!!!**

**(You'd think I was hyper, wouldn't you. But weirdly, I'm not. And I can't spell weirdly...)**


	5. Chapter 5

**It took me ages to finish this one. I re-read FANG last night and this morning, so I wrote a few more... Major plot twist coming... If, of course, you can twist a non-existant plot... Hmm...**

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I don't know where we are, Fang, and we don't know where you are, either. But I couldn't sleep, so I came out here to write you another one of these stupid, pointless letters.

It's a beautiful night, tonight. There's a full moon, and you can see all the stars. Earlier, Dylan showed me all the constellations. There are so many, and it's amazing. I wish you were here to enjoy it too. I wish you were here so Max could enjoy it too. I think the world is made up of both beauty and ugly, and at the moment, all Max sees is the ugly. It must be horrible. I wish... I wish she could forget about you, just for a while. I know that sounds mean, but it's true. If you were here, you'd want her to be happy. If you were here, she would be happy. But you aren't here, so she can't be happy. She spends every single waking moment thinking about you. Angel says she dreams about you, too. I think, if she truly wants to be happy, she has to forget what you did to you. But she can't let herself forget, because that would mean forgetting the best parts of her short, miserable lifetime.

I wonder what will happen if we do find you, Fang. I don't think w can ever go back to being the way we were before. Max will be mad at you, for starters. She'll get over it, eventually, but you really are in trouble for this…

'I won't. Not ever.' That's what you said, Fang. That's what you said when Max told you never to leave her again. We probably shouldn't have listened in, but we did. We all did. We all know that you broke your word now. And our hearts.

I think we've all grown up a lot, too, since you left. And I don't mean physically. I know we're a whole year older, and all that, but seriously. You should see Max now. Maybe she missed a few years of birthdays – because fifteen sounds very young for her now. Perhaps we should all have a party again. Yeah, like that'll ever happen.

I'm not sure how long it will be until Max can have fun again. How long it will be before she just lets go of everything and laughs.

I hope so much that it will be soon, Fang, but I know it won't be. We all know why.

-Nudge.


	6. Chapter 6

**Two updates in one night? I must be ill, or something... So. This one's slightly different. A blog post. From guess who...**

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A letter to Nudge.

Well, Nudge. You were right and you were wrong. You were wrong that I'd never come back, and that I would never read your letters. You were right about how much it hurt me, to do that to Max.

I didn't mean to go into the house. I swore to myself that I would just check, and make sure you were all okay. If you had been, I guess I planned to fly back off, and continue with what I was doing before. But I didn't see you. I waited for almost a day. I saw Ella and Dr. Martinez come out with Total, Akila and Magnolia. I saw them come back. But I never saw any of you. So I waited longer, but you still didn't appear. And then I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to know where you all were. I waited until Dr. M, Ella and the dogs had gone out, and then I broke in. (If you're reading this, Dr. M, then I'm sorry. But it had to be done.) I could tell instantly that you hadn't been there in a while. There was food in the cupboards, for one thing. I didn't -don't- really know what I was looking for. And then I found your letters. It all made sense then.

I'm sorry, Nudge, I am so incredibly sorry for what I've done to you. For what I've done to all of you. But I've made my decision now, and I can't go back on it. Despite what you think, it really is better this way. I know. I hate it too.

I'd be grateful if you could tell Dylan that I'm sorry, and that I was wrong to be jealous of him. Tell him that I'm an idiot, and I know he's a good guy really. And make sure he knows it wasn't his fault. It was my choice, and now I have to follow the consequences. Not him.

I need you to tell Max something. I need you to tell her that I love her, and I miss her, and I'm so so so sorry and she's right to hate me but I hate that she has to. Tell her that she is the best thing that ever has and ever will happen to me, and that I will never, ever forget her. Promise her that I will see her again, somehow. Say that she is the only thing I am living for. I need you, Nudge, to make sure she knows. Thank you.

And when you read this, don't come racing back to the house. By the time I've posted this, I will be long gone. I want you to find me, Nudge, I really do. But I can't let you. I'm sorry.

-Fang

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**-Looks hopeful-**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it's been so long...**

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We read your blog post, Fang. Thanks a lot. Everyone hates me now. They didn't get why I'd written those letters I left at home. They don't know about the ones I've written since then.

Iggy hated it the most. Hated me the most. He left, Fang. Left, just like you. Gazzy went after him. He had to. He'd be killed, on his own. We can't let that happen. We can't lose another member of the Flock, not like we lost you.

I could see that it hurt Angel almost as much as you hurt Max, Fang. At least there were no notes involved. I think Gazzy was talking to her, inside his head. Wow. That sounded weird. In about the time it would have taken Gaz and Ig to get out of her 'range', Angel seemed slightly happier. Lucky her.

So now it's just me, Max, Angel and Dylan. Remind you of anything? Dylan isn't Ari, though, and you could be dead, for all we know. Yes, you updated your blog, but that doesn't mean anything. I can't imagine you trying to delay your death anymore. It's not like you have anything to wait for.

I don't get why I'm writing this letter, Fang. Everything that has just happened, it happened because of the first three letters. This is the sixth.

When you left, Fang, the one way to console myself was to think that it wasn't my fault. It was _you_ who chose to leaver, _your_ decision. This time, though, this time it's all my fault.

So I guess I won't be writing any of these stupid, heart-breaking letters again. I know I said that before, but this time I mean it. This is the last letter, Fang. Ever.

-Nudge

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**-Sadface-**


	8. Chapter 8

**Don't worry! It's not over really! And absolutely no thanks at all to Vera Amber for making a veeery good point which absolutely ruins this whole fic. But yeah...**

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Fang,

I don't know whether you'll have heard by now, but I left the Flock. Gazzy followed me.

So.

You wanna meet up? I'm not used to being in this small a group.

-Iggy

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**Short, I know. Sorries.**

**~ Em!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, I worked something out. (Read: I thought of an excuse) So, Vera _kindly_ asked why the FLock got mad at Nudge. To be honest, it was a good question. I think the Flock were just generally upset and needed to argue about something, and here was a thing that they _could_ argue about. (And I needed Iggy to leave because...) Okay, not adding any spoilers...**

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Iggy,

You promised me.

You promised me you would look after Max when I left.

You know you did.

So there's your answer. No.

-Fang

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**Very short, again. But two chapters in one day, so you can't be _too_ annoyed... :D**


	10. Chapter 10

**Eh. I'm bored. I should have lunch, or like, get ready for Archery, but instead I'm updating this for the third time in a day!**

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Dear Mr. Perfect,

So. You're the only guy left in the Flock now. Lucky you. Guess that means you get your pick from all of them. I hate that I know who you will choose.

The thing is, Dylan, that although I'm insanely jealous that you are with Max and I'm not, I wanted to ask you something. A favour.

Look after Max for me.

I know you'll probably think that no one needs to look after Max, but that isn't really true. We all need someone to look out for us.

She'll be mad at you, at first. She might even hurt you. But persevere, Dylan, please. For me.

I want you to do whatever makes Max happy. Even if that means making her forget about me. Do what you have to do.

God, I hate this.

By the way, Dylan, I was wrong about you. Wrong to be so jealous. I still am – I can't help the way I feel, but now Max has to come first. I can't help her, but you can. Don't we both know it.

Thank you, Dylan. Thank you just for still being there for her. If anything, it shows that you truly are one of the Flock. I can't say how grateful I am for that.

-Fang

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**If you're proud of me, review!**

**(Hint hint...)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank y'all for the reviews/story alerts/ favourites! And no, Safari, I did not spell favourites wrong. :P**

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I promised I wouldn't write any more of these letters, Fang. And I really, really meant it. The thing is, this is the only way I can talk about what's happening. I can't talk to Max – for obvious reasons. At the moment, Angel just seems too young, and Dylan... I don't know how to talk to Dylan. Maybe someday I will... Huh. Maybe someday I'll be able to talk to you, Iggy and Gazzy again.

Dylan kissed Max today, Fang. And, just for a second, she kissed him back, too. Then she flew off, doing her hyper-speed thing. She came back, of course she did, but things are different know. More tense, more awkward. I don't know what will happen there, but I think we're all wondering.

Max and Dylan aren't the only ones I'm worried about, though. I don't know what goes on inside that pretty little head of hers, but... I don't know. Hell, I don't know Angel any more. I don't know whether she's good, or evil; whether she's on our side, or the whitecoats; or even whether she's one pretending to be the other. Maybe she's none of them. Maybe no one is. But I'm scared that she's not really back with us. Scared that one day she'll leave again and hurt Max even more. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm scared* of her. She's asleep right now, which is why I can write this, and she looks so peaceful and innocent that I can hardly imagine her telling Max so calmly that you would be next to die, her pointing a loaded gun at Max. But unless this is Angel Two, this is very much the same girl. I don't understand how she could change like that. I guess there's a lot of stuff I don't understand.

Max is on watch, again. She hardly seems to sleep anymore. Maybe she's waiting for you to come back. Or maybe it's just that she doesn't trust us. Not in a bad way, it's just that it's _always_ been you or Max or Iggy. She knows that she can rely on you. But Angel, she's too young, and Dylan doesn't have the experience. That just leaves me. Who knows what I'd do? Maybe I'd write a stupid letter.

Maybe I should start a diary. Or a blog, like yours. Ha. Look how far _that_ got us.

I'm going to burn this letter now, Fang. That way, no one can read it. Not even me. Maybe I'll think I imagined writing it. Maybe I did.

-Nudge

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*** Originally, this said 'Scarfed'. Thank God for proofreading...**

**Yeah. You know what? I don't even know. **

**Stark: I'm just gonna pop up and say Em doesn't know what she doesn't know. **

**Me: Yeah, but I do know that I don't know. That's better than me not knowing that I don't know I don't know.**

**Stark: Somebody help me. Please.**

**Me: :P**


	12. Chapter 12

**-Happy face- Enough said.**

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Oh God, Iggy, I can't believe you're really back. When you and Gazzy flew in this morning, I thought I was still asleep. It wasn't until after Max started yelling I even started considering it. I forced myself to think it would never happen – it was the only way I could stop myself turning, wishing, hoping at every corner.

You must have been incredibly brave coming back, knowing what Max would do. But when she was done shouting, Iggy, you came over to me and said you were sorry, and that it wasn't my fault, and that I should never have thought hat. You said you were so mad at Fang, at life, at everything, that you had to let it all out somehow. You told me that less than ten minutes after you had left, you stopped in a forest somewhere, and thought about what you'd just done, and hated yourself for it.

You said that if I hadn't written those first three letters, we wouldn't have known anything. You said that you were so glad I'd written them, and that you shouldn't have taken everything out on me. I asked what you would do if I'd written more, and you told me that it was fine, that I should. And I might have believed you Iggy, I might have done. But I know you, Iggy. I have had years to learn what every one of your expressions means. I know what you look like when you're angry, when you're sad, even when you are wishing you could see. I see that look a lot. So I saw that lie, Iggy. I don't know what it meant, but I saw it. I don't know what goes on in your mind, Ig, but I sure know you aren't telling us half of it.

Oh, and by the way, I wasn't sure, earlier, that you quite understood why Max was so angry. Ig, it was because of Fang. Because _he_ didn't come back. Gazzy came back for Angel. You came back for me. But Fang isn't coming back for her. She knows that, and part of her hates him for it.

I'm not sure how I knew that. It was just one of those things, I guess. Sometimes I think I know how Max is feeling, and then I see her eyes when her walls aren't up, and I know I could never even begin to understand.

Thank you, Iggy. Thank you for coming back, even though you knew how pissed Max would be. I don't know what we'd have done without you two – there wasn't a day we didn't miss our blind pyro.

-Love, Nudge

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**Sorry for taking so long. But there _is_ another chapter coming soon. Also, whilst typing this up, I wrote something that would be good for chapter 14. Thing is, it's not a letter, and is probably terrible. Opinions, please? Thanks!**

**~ Em!**

**P.s IT SCHNOWED!**


	13. Chapter 13

**This is for all 4 people who reviewed in less than 12 hours! Thank you!**

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Dear Fang,

Today was so much better than it's been for the last few months. Apart from you, the Flock's back together again, and earlier Max actually smiled – a real smile, Fang. It's been a long time since that last happened.

And I feel better too. I'm not sure why. I just feel... lighter, I think. More free. I guess it's cause I'm not in charge when Max has gone away anymore. Because I can sleep at night not wondering if someone else will be gone by morning. And because Ig and Dylan share comforting duties with me.

Max still needs us, Fang. Or more specifically, she needs you. She's beginning to let Dylan in, occasionally, but you're the one who knows her best. You're the one who gets her, who can cheer her up whenever she's down. Sorry. I mean could.

The things is, Fang, I think that Flock is beginning to move on. We're all beginning to accept that you're not coming back. We don't like the truth, but it's the truth, and if we can't hold onto that, then what can we hold onto? You're not coming back, Fang. We've all though it, we've all said it. Bu it's only now that we're really beginning to believe it. You've moved on. We should move on too. You've probably got you own Flock of merry mutations. You don't need us anymore.

You know, it wasn't until I wrote that down that I knew it wasn't true. You're dealing, yes, but you've not forgotten us, Fang. You can't have forgotten us yet, right? Oh God, please say you haven't forgotten us.

Oh, hell, Fang. I hope you haven't forgotten us. You spent the first fifteen years of your life with us. That can't just disappear, right? You can't have forgotten us. If you've forgotten us...

Well, I'm not sure I want to be in a Flock where the members forget about us after mere months of being apart.

-Nudge

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**And, what about what I said in previous chapter's A/N? Need to know, please!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Okay, so it turns out that the not-letter is next chapter. Ah, well. Hope you like it!**

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Wow. I'm sorry about the last letter. I know you'll never see it, Fang, but I'm sorry all the same. I'm not even sure why I wrote it. I was a bit hysterical, I guess. It's not even as if I was upset that day – Iggy and Gazzy were back, Max was the happiest she'd been in ages, but me... I just fell apart.

It was Dylan who found me, incidentally. I have a sneaking suspicion that Angel told him where I was and what was wrong – the first thing he told me was that you would never, ever forget about us. He told me that it would be impossible. He also said, Fang, that he knew how much you loved us all, and that he _knew_ how hard it was for you to leave. He seemed to really _get_ you, Fang. It was weird.

I think we're going to be on the move again soon, Fang. We've not seen any Erasers or anything for a while, but Max is getting worried. She also doesn't understand how Iggy and Gazzy found us again. Gazzy says he just followed Iggy, but all Ig will say is that he caught the scent of fried rat and followed it. We haven't eaten rat since before you left.

I'm worried about Iggy, Fang. He's hiding something from us. Something big, I know it. But Angel's not picked anything bad up, I heard her talking to Max about it. I don't want to believe it's bad, but to be honest I'm running out of other ideas.

It's probably just a new bomb he's building and doesn't want Max to know about. Or... I don't know. It's probably something very, very _Iggy_, that he's trying so hard to keep secret he's not noticed the rest of us worrying. Maybe he's started thinking about Christmas presents. Either way, it doesn't explain why I'm so scared.

It's _Iggy_, for God's sake! Why should I be scared of him? I've known him all my life! _We've_ known him all his life!

I guess it's just another thing you leaving did to us.

-Nudge.

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**If I don't update again soon, Merry Christmas! Actually, I'm supposed to say Happy Holidays, aren't I. Happy Holidays!**

**~ Em!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry it's been so long! I was _sure_ I'd already posted this... This is the non-letter. Let me know what you think!**

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'Hey, this isn't the Max I know.' She laughs slightly. I wonder if she smiled a little bit. 'The Max I know would be out there kicking butt. She wouldn't be sat here crying. The Max I know would be plotting revenge, as evilly as she knows how.' She does laugh this time.

'Thanks, Iggy.' She whispers. I reach out, and she hugs me, tight. I wonder if this is how she hugged Fang. I feel her think this too, by the way her sobs increase, and the way she holds me tighter. I wish, for the thousandth time, that I could see her, so I could comfort her, help her.

'He isn't worth this, Max.'

'I know.' She takes a deep breath. 'But he's the stupid idiot who broke my heart, and there's nothing I can freaking do about it.' She laughs again, humourlessly, and I stroke her hair. At this moment, I don't know who's wishing Fang was here more. I don't know how to do this. I have to be so careful with every sentence I say, and try so hard not to mess up and hurt someone. I don't know how to make her feel better, or how to get her smiling and laughing again like our old Max. That's Fang's job. It has always been Fang's job. But I guess he's left that for me to do now, along with all his other responsibilities. My responsibilities now.

And so I hold her, stroking her hair, trying to comfort her as best I can. At some point I think I hear someone come out from the cave – Nudge, or Dylan. Soon, though, the footsteps retreat, and I don't think any more of it. I just sit, and try to be a replacement for the guy who she's crying over. But all the time I know I can never be Fang.

I'm not sure how long passes before her crying stops. I let her go, but she keeps a tight hold on my hand. She needs me to be her big brother right now, so for her that's what I'll be.

'I'm sorry, Ig.'

'Don't be.' She brings my hand to her face to show me she is smiling. How I wish she didn't have to do that. But tonight is Max's night, and I don't want to worry her any more. She has enough to deal with right now. 'You should go to sleep. I'll keep watch.' I'm surprised when she agrees, though I guess I shouldn't be. She's spent so many nights awake recently that she must be so, so tired. We stack and tap, and she hugs me one last time.

'Goodnight, Iggy. And thank you.' Her footsteps head back into the cave. I sit still for a while, listening to the wind on the trees. I think about what I am doing, wonder how I _can_ do this. Max is my sister, but I'm going to betray her. Just for a new pair of eyes, I'm going to betray her. I know my hand is bleeding from where I have clutched this rock so hard, but I ignore it. I deserve the pain. I am selfish, horrible, a traitor to my family.

But I can't change my mind now.

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**The next chapter's uber-long, but I dislike it. I shall attempt to type it up now. So long...**

**EDIT: Also, ANGEL isn't out over here, and won't be until the 3rd of March, so no spoilers please. This fic probably won't have any references to ANGEL. Aagh! I wanna read it!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Well, this one's way longer than everything else has been. Nudge, however, did not like it, and neither did I. **

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Well, Fang. That was some Christmas. To put it in short, we woke up, Max and Iggy were gone, we thought they'd been kidnapped, Dylan found struggle marks, tyre tracks and spatters of blood, Max came back, said she'd left Iggy in charge, but Ig still wasn't there, and we followed the tyre tracks and found a place that looked freakishly like The School. We figured, correctly, that Iggy was in there, having who-knows-what done to him, so Max worked out a plan to break in, but Dylan and Angel thought it was too obvious and probably a trap, Max got annoyed with both of them, but knew that they might be right, so we found another way in. Then we rescued Ig and got the hell out of there. With just one little catch: Dylan. He saved my life, Fang, and almost died doing it.

I know we've all almost died for each other, but, with Dylan, it was something different. We've all seen how he heals, and everything. But he would have died – _died_, Fang, died for _me_ – if Max hadn't... Well, it won't make sense this way. I'm gonna have to tell it from the beginning, like it's some freakin' fairy story. It's not, Fang. It's really not.

Okay, so first things first, I woke up. Simple. Enough said. It was weird though, because it was pretty light, but I couldn't hear anyone moving, or smell anything cooking or whatever. So I got up, and Ange, Gazzy and Dylan were still asleep, so I figured Max and Ig were on Watch. I looked everywhere for them, Fang, but they aren't you. They can't turn invisible whenever they want. When I got back to 'Camp', the others were awake and confused. Angel said that Max should have been on Watch.

We'd all got our stuff and were getting out of there when Dylan saw it. Blood. He led us to a place where the ground looked kinda trampled. Then we saw the tyre tracks. I made the mistake of touching one, Fang, and it nearly made me sick. It was so full of... of smug, triumphant... _smugness!_ They'd found us without us knowing, and they were hopeful, I think, that _someone_ was going to be pleased with them. Maybe we're wrong, but Dr G-H seems like a pretty good guess to me.

But the weirdest thing of all, was that I didn't know who 'they' were. I could – can say exactly how they were feeling, but not whether they were Erasers, Flyboys, M-Geeks, or even something completely different. I just don't know, and I guess that freaks me out a little bit.

So anyway. Max found us just after that. I think, at first, she was annoyed at us for breaking camp without her. But she's Max, so she could tell straight away that something was wrong. Ange says her thoughts weren't exactly... civil, shall we say, towards Iggy at that point. But when Dylan pointed out the blood, she was right back to our Max, the one who'd kill anyone for hurting any of the Flock. God, Fang, I wonder what she's going to do, when – if – we ever see you again. You've done a _lot_ of damage, and somehow I don't think Max'll forget this all too easily...

But there I am again, going off on some silly old tangent. Actually, maybe it's not that bad. I used to be like this all the time, me and my ramblings. Lots has changed since then, but we still did what we'd have done if you'd been with us, Fang. Something we've all had way too much experience doing: we followed the tracks, and went to get our Iggy back.

It _was_ a lot easier than it has been before, though. I mean, our eyesight's good, and all that, but compared to Dylan's... Wow. He makes look like... well, like normal people! But yeah. We knew roughly what we were looking for from the tyre tracks, and Dylan just flew upwards for a while, looked for a 'big white van' type thing, came back, and told us where to go. I'm not sure _that's_ ever happened before. Well, maybe it has, but I doubt the information's ever come from someone Max trusts before. Because she does trust Dylan, Fang, we all do. He's just too... innocent to be evil. He's just generally _nice_. I guess that's why I feel so guilty about- no! If I'm going to turn this letter into some crappy story, I'm at least going to do it in order.

Dylan led us to this _place_, which reminded us all way to much of – yep, you guessed it, Fang. I swear it was almost a carbon copy of The School, California. It even had the same entrance/exit routes as the other one. Max wanted to burst in the way we did when we went to rescue Angel last year – god, was that really only a year ago? But still. I've said what happened next already. Dylan and Ange agreed it was way too likely to be a trap, and Max got a bit annoyed, but she had to agree, eventually. Dyl _is_ practically omniscient, and I'm not sure there's any point in arguing with or littlest sister any more... So, in the end, we found another way in, joy of all joys. I mean, break-ins are never _nice_, but this one was seriously gross. I'll spare you the details Fang; maybe someday we'll be able to tell you – if we ever see you again.

There weren't many Whitecoats around, weirdly enough. But then we got to the 'Dog-Crate Room', to find the cages were all empty. We weren't sure what was going on, Fang, but we knew it wasn't good.

Ig told us, later, what was happening on that particular day. He doesn't like talking about it, but we got the basic gist. They had a kind of... stadium there, and every so often there was a test of some sort for all the experiments. And if they didn't pass the test, Fang, they 'disappeared'. They were _killing_ people there, Fang, killing people like us.

I guess it's lucky we found Iggy before we saw anything like that. By the look on Max's face when she heard about it, she probably would have tried to murder everyone responsible. But we found Iggy, and – I _think_ – we found Iggy in an Operating Theatre. Who knows what they'd have done to him if we hadn't got there then?

Max burst straight in, of course. She didn't stop to think that they might have, I don't know, _guns_, or anything. I think it was only because of sheer luck that we all survived.

Dylan took a bullet for me, Fang.

They were holding me by the wings, so I couldn't move. Then they pointed a gun at me. They didn't have to say, 'Stop, or the girl dies,' or whatever clichéd line they normally say in movies. We just knew.

They demanded Iggy in return for me. I'm not sure why their gaze has slipped from Max to him, but apparently it has. And Ig started to move, Fang, but Max... Max stopped him.

And then they pulled the trigger.

I would have died, Fang. I don't know if I had a random flashback, or if I was even thinking at all. I just know I was scared. So, so scared. And then Dylan was there, in front of me. I don't know if it was a spur of the moment thing, or whether he and Max had planned it via Angel. The bullet hit him in the ribs, just missing his heart. One of the guys holding me dropped my wing; Gazzy had knocked him unconscious.

I'm not sure why no alarms went off, or why no one else came to help, but eventually we had all the Whitecoats on the floor out cold. At least, I hope they were just out cold.

Dylan was... still alive when we reached him. I think what he actually said was, 'I guess this'll work better than an adrenaline injection.' Me and Ange were both crying – she told me later that she couldn't control any of _their_ thoughts, that they all seemed to be blank slates. Just like Jeb. I think Max might have been crying too, Fang. Dylan really is one of the Flock now.

He seemed calm – _too_ clam. As if he'd given up. I think he had. Then Max kissed him. I guess it changed his mind. Remind you of anything, Fang? You thought I wasn't paying attention, but I was there on the beach too.

I don't know what's going to happen now, Fang. I guess we'll go back to normal. Whatever normal is.

-Nudge

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**Well done if you managed to get through all that! Don't worry, it goes back to normal shortness after this. -Sadface- I have a page and a half left in the notebook I use to write these letters. It's gonna have to move! -Sadface again- Ah, well.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**~ Em!**


	17. Chapter 17

**I've read ANGEL! It isn't supposed to be out yet, but we found it in Waterstone's (In the crime section, but still...). I loved it! *Happyface* So here's another depressing letter. Yay!**

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I don't know why I'm writing this letter today, Fang. Dylan's better, and everyone else is fine, I guess. Nothing really new has happened.

The thing is, Fang, I want to cry right now, and I don't know why. I guess I should go talk to one of the others or something, but what would I _say_. 'I'm feeling depressed for no reason. Can I talk to you about it?' Yeah, Fang. Sure.

I don't even know _why_ I feel like this! I have no reason to feel like this, none at all. Everyone else is just happy that we're The Flock Minus One again, instead of Minus Two or Three. Max is... well, as okay as she can be now you're gone. Iggy seems fine – he says he doesn't know why _they_ took him, or what they were planning to do to him or anything. I'm still worried about him, though. Something just seems... _off_ with him. Maybe I'm imagining things, but it seems like he looks at us differently. For longer, more intensely, I guess. His coordination seems off, too – he missed a high-five with Gazzy this morning. I don't remember him ever missing a high-five before.

Oh, god, what am I on about? So he missed a high-five. It's hardly the end of the universe. He is _blind._ I'm just over-reacting. I must be. I _can't_ not trust Iggy. He's my best friend! But writing that down, I know it's true. I don't trust Iggy. Not anymore. Just because, Fang – he's coming over here now. Oops.

-Nudge

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**Next chapter is another non-letter. Hope that's okay. Sorry for the shortness, but Nudge got cut off... Okay, fine, I don't _think_ I could think of why she didn't trust him, but still. I plan now to re-read Angel, then write some more Letters! Huzzah. Angel and new notebooks and the team I support winning the basketball match we saw last night have put me in a good mood. Which totally explains why I feel like writing more Letters, of course... I'm weird. Thanks for reading.**

**~ Em!**


	18. Chapter 18

**It would seem I've not published this yet. Hmm... I don't seem to be good at updating, even when I've got the chapter saved onto here already. *Facepalm* Anyway, next chapter. It's from Iggy's non-letter point of view again... Although I'm feeling slightly predictable because someone guessed what was going to happen in a review. Oh wells. Also, I don't _think_ Max would have let Nudge die. I think she just wanted to find a way to save _everyone_. Wow. I seem to have given her a hero complex. Ah, well. Enjoy!**

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'Nudge?'

I watch her jump, her face looking slightly guilty, even though she must have known I was here. She crumples up the piece of paper she is holding. Another letter to dearest darling Fang, I guess.

Despite the darkening sky, my new eyes can see her perfectly. Her big brown eyes reflect the dying sun. Beautiful. But then I see that her eyes are wet with tears. These new eyes don't see everything yet. I walk across and sit down next to her. She smiles slightly.

'You okay?'

'Yeah.' I see through her lie easily; I don't need my new eyes for this. I put my arm around her, and she relaxes into me easily.

'It's okay, you know. You're not Max. You're allowed to be upset.'

'But I don't know _why_ I'm upset!' I watch her tears spill over – watch with my new eyes. It's ironic, really. Tears are beautiful things. I raise my hand to wipe one away, then realise I can't. Only I can know about these new eyes – my new eyes, at least for now. I'm not allowed to share this with anyone. Not until after I- well. They won't feel happy for me then.

'Sunset.' Nudge whispers. He head rests on my shoulder. 'It's beautiful, Ig.' I know, Nudge. I know. 'All ambers and pinks and golds. Really, really beautiful. I-I wish you could see it.' I can, Nudge. It's horrible having to hide this from her, from everyone. But... it's Nudge. She could keep it a secret, couldn't she? She wouldn't tell everyone, if I begged her not to. I don't want to lie to her anymore. She can keep it a secret.

'I can, Nudge.' Because I know, now. I know.

I can't do this.

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**This chapter's unofficially called New Eyes, just to explain the repetition there. Now I have a weird urge to go write more after re-reading that. Unfortunately, I have a German Speaking Test tomorrow which could actually count towards my GCSE. Which is really, really freaking me out. I really messed up on my last French one, so... Could be interesting. Anyways, I hoped you liked it. Let me know!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Sorry about the wait. I've written up to Chapter 24 now... But they get _very_ short. I'll try not to leave too much time between updates again...**

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Well, Fang. That explains a lot. Iggy can see again! I'm not allowed to tell anyone, but I figure you don't count – I'm not planning on leaving _this_ letter hanging around. Actually, I'm not sure why I'm not allowed to tell, but he made me promise, so... yeah. I'm not sure why he didn't tell us all before, but I guess it's his choice and all that. I wonder why Angel hasn't picked up on it yet. She's probably just got other things on her mind.

Ig says they did it when they kidnapped him. He doesn't know why; they kept him out cold for most of it. It makes sense to be honest. I know I'd have done anything I could to get out of there. It was horrible, Fang. I know why Ig doesn't want to talk about it. Hell, I don't even want to write about it.

So I'll move on to something else I want to say. I know you don't even know about what happened with Max and Dylan, but I'm hoping if I write this down I can make myself believe it. God knows it's worked before.

Max still loves you, Fang. I think she'll probably always love you. Yes, she kissed Dylan, but it was to keep him alive. She loves him – not like she loves you, but she still loves him. And she can't lose him, not the way she almost lost you. The memories would e too painful. So yes, she did kiss Dylan, but he will never, _ever_ replace you. I want you to know that, Fang. I don't know what's going to happen from now on, but I want you to know she still loves you. I think that, without Max, Dylan would have gone a long time ago. But she is his 'perfect match', just as much as he is hers – or so they say. He can't leave her, not like you did. I guess you could say he's not as strong as you – but don't get me started on who loves her more...

Oh, Fang. I don't know what to do now. I don't know why Iggy trusted me. I'm the blabbermouth of The Flock; I can't keep anything secret. Even _I_ wouldn't trust me if I was him. What am I going to do? It seemed so important to him that no one found out... no one except me. What if I say something by mistake? What if I sat something wrong? What if I say something that lets everybody else work it out by themselves?

I...I wish you were here, Fang. I know you've gone over the reasons why you can't be here, but I really wish you were. I know you'd probably tell me that none of you listened to the Nudge Channel properly anyway. Maybe if we see each other again you could teach me how to be silent. How to keep everything I'm feeling inside me. God knows I'm not doing very well at _that_ at the moment.

But Fang – _Iggy can see!_

Nudge

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**:) Ig can see! Yayness! THanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, you are very kind. Also thanks to everyone who wished me luck on my German,. Your luck worked! I only dropped one mark! That was pretty unexpected, so thank you. I'm attributing it to y'all. Ill try to update again soon!**

**~ Em!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

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Oh god, Fang. Oh god oh god oh god. Please come back. Please, please come back. I need you. Truly need you. It's Iggy. He has an expiration date. In less than two weeks. None of the others know, but if that happens, Fang... I don't know how we'll carry on. We've already lost o much. Please come back. Please.

-Nudge

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***Whistles innocently***

**Next chapter will come when fanfiction lets me upload it. It won't at the moment. **


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks to Vera, Shadowcatbrat, littlelazyCat, WingedGymnast12, Vamp Junkie and the person who couldn't be bothered to log in for the reviews! And to everyone who favourited and/or story alerted this! You make me happy!**

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You know, Fang, I've never really kept anything from The Flock. Nothing important, anyway. But now... Now I have two huge secrets to keep and I'm so, so scared that someone will find out either or both of them. If Ig finds out... Just knowing that would kill him. I can't that let happen. I can't. I suggested we go back to Dr. M's. I know Ella would want to see him again before... before it happens. And maybe Max's mom will be able to help. If it's possible to help him now.

None of us have been on your blog for months, but I'm going to go on there now. I'm going to tell you where we'll be and that it's going to be an emergency. I hope you'll come, Fang. Please come. Please, please don't make us face that without you.

-Nudge

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**Sorries... I cried too.**

**~ Em**


	22. Chapter 22

Yo, Nudge,

I know you say it's going to be an emergency, and I don't know what that means, but I'm sorry. I can't come back. You know why. I'd never be able to leave again, and that can't happen. I can't let it. I'm sorry.

-Fang

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**Well, it is a chapter, just about... Thanks for the reviews! Good luck to anyone who has exams at the moment, your awesomeness should see you through! :)**

**~ Em!**

**P.s Beatles Geek Laura, rock on. See? I put your name in a chapter! Thanks for all my writing playlists! Love you!**


	23. Chapter 23

**I'm sorry, I know it's been a while. Thanks to everyone who is still with me.**

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PRIVATE MESSAGE

To: Fang

From: Nudge

Iggy is going to reach his expiration date, Fang. I'm the only one who knows at the moment. We need you here. Please. Be here.

-Nudge

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**Just for the record, anything that happens in this fic from this chapter onwards can be blamed on Superdan910. Not that he's reading this, but still. The chapters have gotten fairly short at the moment, and now they're kind of ululating. I'm just kind of writing now and seeing where it goes. I hope no one minds...**

**~ Em**


	24. Chapter 24

**Aww, I love you guys. Thanks for the reviews and faves. So here's an update, because who knows when the next one'll be...**

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_Fang_

I read the blog post from Nudge, and although my heart wants to be there, my head is already telling my hands what to write. I tell Nudge that I am sorry, but I know she won't realise just quite _how_ sorry I am. I wonder what the emergency is this time. Another of Dylan's cunning ploys to get Max to kiss him again? No. I wipe that thought from my head- or at least try to. I can't be jealous of Dylan, not when he's done so much for Max. Or that's what I'm trying to convince myself, anyway.

Another message pops up. I have no clue how she's done it, but Nudge has sent me a private message. This is when I realise how scared she is. She must have been glued to the laptop, refreshing every minute to get back to me _this_ quick. I read the four sentences. Then read them again. And again. And know that this isn't just some stupid plan to get me back to them. Nudge would never joke about Iggy's life. I type as fast as I can, trying to send reassurances over what could be thousands of miles. I hit send, snap the laptop closed, and stuff it in my rucksack. My plans for tonight are hereby cancelled. Less than a minute later, I am on my way, as fast as my wings will take me. My internal compass directs m to Dr. M's as easily as if it was home. Maybe it is. I don't know, and right now I don't care. Right now, I'm just repeating to myself the first three sentences I just wrote to Nudge: I'm coming. I'll be there. Stay calm. And _ I won't let Iggy die._

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**Thoughts? Comments? Criticisms? Let me know!**

**~ Em**


	25. Chapter 25

**Very short. Sorry. Probably should have been merged with the last two chapters, but that would involve foresight. Sorry. And thanks to Sararuhh77 who poked me to update!**

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PRIVATE MESSAGE

To: Nudge

From: Fang

I'm coming. I'll be there. Stay calm. We'll stop that happening, I promise you, Nudge. I won't let Iggy die.

-Fang


	26. Chapter 26

**To everyone who reviewed, or added this to Story Alerts/Favourites, thank you so much. You all really cheered me up. Sorry I don't generally reply to reviews - I mean to, but then I get confused as to which I have replied to and which I haven't and then I'm like Aaagh! And then I stop. So... yeah. They really do mean a lot, though. Thank you.**

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_Angel_

Nudge is telling Max that she wants to go back to Dr Martinez's. She won't tell Max why, and she won't let me see, either. She's doing a good job of hiding her thoughts – like she's not just hiding them from me, but from herself, too. She means well, though. And it' really important to her.

So I help her convince the rest of the Flock. Because I want her to trust me again. Because I want everyone to trust me again. Because I was wrong, and now I know we can't do this without Max.

Just before I fall asleep, I finally see one of Nudge's thoughts. It's a number, six digits- a code? A date? It reminds me of something, but I can't think what.

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**It's slightly longer... Sorry. Next chapter is longer, I promise. A bit, anyway...**

**~ Em!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Nah, I'm going to be nice. You're all so wonderful that you deserve a proper update. Must write longer chapters...**

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We're here Fang, finally. I don't know whether you are or not. I was looking, but... There were other things on my mind. Ange helped me to persuade everyone else to come back here, and part of me thinks that something bad must be going on, just because she agreed. But I think that this tie I _am_ just being paranoid.

I can't focus on anything, Fang. It was hard enough just flying here. Ig told me that I was more likely to hit a seagull that _he_ was, but I didn't laugh. I couldn't. So he realised something was wrong, and tried to get me t tell him. I couldn't do that, either. I'm searching so hard for a loophole. You told me you won't let him die, but how can you stop it? Two more days isn't long enough to find a magic cure. Every time I can I check the date, hoping that it will have changed, hoping that I was wrong, and that Ig has years left, not mere days.

And just after he got his new eyes, too. I want to scream. I want to scream and shout and rant and rage and ask, 'Why him?' over and over again. But I know it won't change anything.

-Nudge

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**:) ?**


	28. Chapter 28

**:)**

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_Fang_

I'm just beginning to imagine I can almost see that others when I have a thought that stops me dead.

_What if it's not just Ig?_

Because me, Max and Iggy, we're all the same 'age', aren't we? That's what we've always thought. I touch my neck, as if I'd be able to feel a date there. It feels like... my neck. And it reminds me of a time when Max-

The thought hurts too much to carry on. Hurts more than the thought of having an expiration date. So I adjust my course, and go off in search of something reflective.

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**Oooh... Hope you liked it!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Yay, an update!**

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Oh, Ig. I don't know what to write. And that's because I don't want to be writing to you at all. I know you've never liked me writing these.

What I really want to be doing is talking to you. I want you to hug me and laugh, and rub _it_ off your neck and tell me it was all just a joke, and that you aren't going to die. And then I will be so angry with you, but it will all be okay because you'll still. be. _alive._

Dr. M noticed the rings under my eyes, and I told her that I was just sleeping badly. That, Ig, is a lie. _Badly_ doesn't cover it. I didn't sleep at all last night. I just lay there and tried so damn hard to _not_ think about what will happen if you die. I know that, before, I've joked about how much use a blind pyro could ever be, but... _I_ need you, Iggy. We all do. When Fang left it ripped us all apart, but it could have been worse. Because there was a chance, just a sliver of a chance, that someday we might see him again. If you die, Ig... That's a hole nothing and no one could ever fill. Oh god, Iggy. Please don't die. Please, please, _please._ I don't think I can lose you forever, not after all we've been through. I know I've just said it, but I _need_ you, Ig. You are my best friend and the best brother anyone could wish for, and yes, there have been times that I've been so jealous of Ella that I've thought too many times of doing horrible things to her, but _none of that matters to me anymore._

Just as long as you're still here.

_Please, _Ig_._

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**It might be a while before this gets updated again, and if so I'm sorry. Blame my teachers, and MG Christiani and the rest of them for introducingme to NaNoWriMo two years ago. Google is your friend. :)**

**Thanks for reading!**

**~ Em**


	30. Chapter 30

**... **

**Sorry... It's been, what, two months? On the plus side, I maybepossiblymighthave finished writing this... On the other hand, the ending may b completely cut and go back to how it was originally planned. So we'll see. Hope you like it!**

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_Fang_

The lake will have to do. I know that _I_ don't have anything reflective on me – something the healing cuts on my hands will attest to. The cabins are all annoyingly full. There's no way I can break in. Yeah, I know a window would probably do just fine. But I don't want to let anyone see me. Right now, I'm not in the mood to be recognised.

So the water in the lake will have to do, for now. I pull the hair away from my neck, idly wondering whether the amount of grime on my skin could cover anything up. Closing my eyes, I lean over and try hard to ignore the six-digit numbers that float around underneath my closed lids. Part of me wants to run away, but the other part _needs_ to know this. And an errant thought wonders what would happen if Max had one and I didn't. That does it. Keeping my eyes tight shut, I back away from the 'mirror', already swinging my bag around and pulling out my laptop. The two words I send are enough. Nudge will know. Now I just have to wait... and try to work up the courage to walk back over to the lake.

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PRIVATE MESSAGE

To: Nudge

From: Fang

_ Check Max._

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**I'll try harder to update more regularly, really I will! ****But if I don't update before January, Happy New Year to you all!**

**Thanks for reading. =]**

**~ Em**


	31. Chapter 31

**Let's just pretend that these updates were evenly distributed...**

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PRIVATE MESSAGE

To: Fang

From: Nudge

Clear. She's fine. Where are you?

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_Fang_

I let out the breath I don't know I've been holding. Max will be okay. _Max_. One little pebble of a word which triggers a whole avalanche of memories.

Max, in the dog crate next to mine, Max jumping on my bed to wake me up, Max, looking after us all. And then Max, her hair, so soft, Max, her lips under mine – in the cave, on the beach, every single time – Max, Max, _Max_.

And all of a sudden, I don't care. I don't care whether I have a date on the back of my neck. I don't care what will happen to the world if we don't stay apart. _I don't care._ All I care about is Max, and seeing her again. If Ig's going to... _expire_, then what hope is there for the rest of us? Me and Max, we might not have much time left. So screw twenty years. I love her, and call me selfish, but as long as she knows that, I won't give another thought to 'the end' of the world.

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**...**

**I prefer Nudge. Well, writing Nudge, anyway. And I really never thought I'd say that about Fang, but apparently so.**

**(You know the only reason that this is being updated is because I'm supposed to be writing an essay for English? Enough procrastination, Em. Seriously...)**

**~ Em**


	32. Chapter 32

**=]**

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_Where are you, Fang? _I don't know whether I even believe you'll turn up any more. If you were coming, you'd be here by now. Wouldn't you?

-Nudge


	33. Chapter 33

Wouldn't you?

-Nudge


	34. Chapter 34

Maybe not. We're here, Fang, but you're not. And Ig doesn't have much time left. And I guess it's too late, now, to do anything else. So I guess we're just going to have to sit back and watch Iggy die.

-Nudge

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**Next chapter is longer :)**

**...**

**I think. :D Thanks for reading!**


	35. Chapter 35

**Well, it's here. Finally... :)**

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Well, this is it, isn't it? No more crosses to mark off on the calendar. No more boxes to pop open, no more chocolates to eat. As if counting down to Iggy's Expiry Date was some sick kind of advent.

I think that I've probably given up on Fang coming –again. I think maybe I've just given up on Fang. So I don't know who this letter is to. No one, I guess. I guess now I'm writing letters to no one. Tell me how it came to this?

Max is yelling. You'd think that today, at least, they'd give us a break on attacks, wouldn't you? But no. _Incoming_.

I really don't understand the point of all this, not anymore.

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**Dedicated to ParanormalityofMusic, for reminding me to update, and with thanks to Beth, the rest of my Creative Writing Group, and Superdan910 - who now has the notebook in which the rest of this thing is written. Now to see whether it makes sense to anyone else, and type it up, and maybe we're getting towards the end of this fic. Yay!**

**~ Em **

**:D**


	36. Chapter 36

That which is incoming, comes. The battle ensues, somehow detached. And in the middle of it all, Iggy's legs give out. He falls to the floor, and it's so much worse, now, than all the times I've imagined it. Because, now, it's real.

* * *

_**Finally!**_

**And I'll leave it at that...**

**Em :D**


	37. Chapter 37

**For Bittersweet, because I didn't, I promise!**

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'He's dying, Max.' You step out of the shadows. She whirls to fight, and sees it's you. _I_ see it's you. _Finally_. And then I watch your face fall as Max turns back to Iggy. It's not because she hates you, Fang. It's because she can't let herself believe you're real.

'It's okay, Ig. You're going to be fine. I promise.' She whispers to him.

'The cake's a lie, Max.' Oh, Ig.

Ange and Gaz don't know who to look at. Dylan's glaring at you, as if this is all your fault. Ella has eyes only for Iggy, something I can't bring myself to blame her for. But you, Fang, you're looking at Jeb.

'_Do something.'_ I've never seen you like this before. Angry, threatening. Frightening. '_Help him._ You owe him your _life_, Jeb!'

'Actually, Fang, he owe me his. You _all_ owe me your lives.'

Iggy cries out, and we all turn to look at him. When we look back up, Jeb is against the wall, your hand at his throat.

'He saved you, Jeb. You can't let him die. I _know_ you can help him.'

'I wouldn't, Fang. Even if I could. It has to be this way. It's too late to stop everything now.'

Angel interjects, and proves to me, once and for all, that I can trust her.

'Has to happen? That's not true, Jeb. You _can_ help him.'

'Angel...You of all people should be able to understand...'

'If you can't change anything, Jeb, then _why is Fang still alive?'_ He glares at her, his eyes flashing, but I see the doubt flit across his face. All of us are watching him now, even Iggy and Ella. He meets each of our eyes, and it seems like he's arguing with himself. Then, finally, one more word:

'Fine.'

Throughout all this, Max has been silent. She doesn't look up when Jeb – her father- addresses her. I'm not sure she has even heard him. Her hand is clutched tight around Iggy's. Jeb says her name, again, and once more. She still doesn't respond. Dylan and Fang both step towards her, but Ange shakes her head at both of them. She moves forwards, and lays her hand on Max's shoulder. I can almost hear the thought-conversation between them.

Time passes – maybe seconds, maybe minutes, I don't know. Then finally Max seems to give in. She bends forwards to kiss Ig's forehead, and whispers something to him, too quiet for the rest of us to hear.

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**Ah, but _now_, on the other hand...**

**Look how long it is! Ahem. Yeah, I got my precious notebook back today. Thanks, Daniel!**

**(If you spot the epic fail hidden here... Don't mention it. Or do, and I'll give you pretend cookies to shut you up... XD)**

**~ Em x**


	38. Chapter 38

**I'm sorry for anyone I've confused. Tell me what I can do to clear anything up? This bit is from Max's POV, but it's back to being short again. :/**

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Max

_Hold on, Ig. I'm going to save you._

The words I whispered in his ear. Because I can't lose Iggy, too. I can't bear it. Can't and won't. And if it takes a 'doctor' to save him, then so be it.

I turn, and take a running jump out the window.

_Hold on, Ig._

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**~ Em**


	39. Chapter 39

**Apologies. I'd blame uploading issues, but really it all comes back down to me being too lazy. R&R?**

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It's not long before Max comes back. A thud on the decking. A half-run back into the room. A glare at Fang to force him back from where he had taken her place at Iggy's side. And then a voice from outside. _But it can't be._ It _can't_ be. _This_ can't be our way of saving Iggy. Please, no. No.

Doctor Hans Gunther-Haagen steps into the room.

'He's the only one who can help him.' Angel speaks up, seeing the looks on our faces, and probably hearing the anger of our thoughts. 'We have to let him try.'

'Why?' Dylan looks angry, but... really it's fear he's feeling. 'Why can we trust him now?'

'Because, Dylan,' the doctor says. 'It's too late for anything else.'

He looks at me with those words. As if he knows exactly how long I've known, and kept it to myself. As if none of this would have happened if I'd said something earlier.

Iggy sucks in his breath. And I find myself screaming at the evil, mad scientist who has broken my family so many times to just do something, now.

'Nudge,' Iggy whispers. I am there instantly. He lifts his hand and turns my head, forcing my eyes to meet his. 'Nudge... _It wasn't your fault._' I can't reply. I can't speak, or think, or breathe.

The words bounce around my head.

_Too late. Too late. Too late._

And then Doctor G-H sticks a needle into his arm, and the moment is broken.

It takes exactly thirty-seven seconds for it to happen. Iggy's breathing begins to slow, and for a split second I think we've lost him - but it isn't stopping. It's not stopping. It's just returning to normal.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who is terrified as we all stare at his neck.

And finally, finally, as if someone was running an eraser over it, Iggy's Expiry Date begins to fade.

For a moment, a single, perfect moment, his neck is completely clear. I let out my breath.

But then, as if someone were writing it back on, another date appears:

_Tomorrow._


	40. Chapter 40

**Dedicated to Superdan910, just for his reaction to this chapter. :)**

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_Max throws herself at Jeb, and I want to follow suit. But I can't. I'm frozen. One good punch lands on his jaw, and then suddenly you're in the way._

_And so her punches hit you, Fang, instead, and you do nothing to stop them._

_Iggy, still lying on the floor, turns to Angel. 'Stop her.' He whispers hoarsely. I can't begin to imagine what Max will do if she does. But Iggy's right._

'_Do it, Ange.' I tell her in my mind. 'Please.'_

_ And Max goes limp._

_I only need to look at her face to guess what she's thinking to her 'baby'._

_But it never was Angel's fault, was it? It wasn't Max's, either, or yours, Fang, or Iggy's._

It was mine.

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**Oooooh! Thoughts? I have to be honest, and say that when I wrote this I truly didn't know what Nudge was on about... Any ideas? Let me know. :)**

**Whoa. On reflection, I just realised that there are only two more chapters left. Wow. I aim to have this fic finished before the end of the Easter holidays at latest. Wow... I can't belive it's almost done!**

**~ Em**

**:D**


	41. Chapter 41

**Very, very little left now. :( Please let me know what you think - this wasn't at all where I expected this fic to go, and I'd love to hear your opinions... :)**

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_Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa._

_My fault. My fault. My own, most grievous fault._

I don't know who first said that, or when, but right now it seems to fit. I know that most of the time, people say that something is their fault when really there wasn't anything they could do about it. Now this time. Not for me.

I don't know how long I've had this new 'power'. When I think about it hard, I can track it back months, maybe years. So maybe I've always had it, and I just never realised. I guess it's too late to find out now.

The thing is, I can't _just_ detect people's emotions when I touch something of theirs. I think I can influence them, too. Not completely, but... a lot. Enough.

I think that it was mostly my fault that Fang left. I felt left out. I shouldn't have done, but I did. I wanted more attention – and while she and Fang were like they were, Max couldn't give me that. And maybe that's why I felt so bad when he went – because too big a part of me had wanted him to go.

I guess my plan for attention didn't go as well as I was hoping.

And then, later, there was Ig. And ,maybe he had the first word, but it was me who had felt so guilty for so long. Guilty, and kind of wanting to be blamed, in a weird, twisted way. And so what Iggy was feeling intensified – so much so that he left too.

Underneath all that, though, was a want – no, _need_ – to be forgiven. So of course he came back, after a while. What happened whilst he was away, I can't find a way to blame myself for. But all the pan I caused Max and Ange and everyone, I can blame myself for that. Because ultimately, it was my fault, and I'd done a bad thing.

And bad behaviour needs punishment, doesn't it?

When that Whitecoat had a gun pointed at me, Max stopped Iggy from giving himself up to save me. Maybe she had a plan. Or maybe I was messing up her emotions too much to help myself.

Maybe Dylan chose to through himself in front of me. Or maybe my fear of dying, my desire to survive took some of his free will.

When I've been upset, Dylan, and then Iggy, have come over to me. Told me exactly what I needed to hear. Reassured me.

And then, when I wanted to know what was going on with Iggy, he told me, against his better judgement.

Fang, coming back when I wanted him here and desperately needed someone to talk to.

Angel, changing back into the girl we used to know just when I needed someone to trust.

Max, attacking Jeb when I was too frozen to move.

Everything, everyone. How big a part have I played in all that has happened? The more I think, the more it's all accountable for.

I've just said that most people are lying when they say it's all their fault.

I wish that I could say it's a lie for me, too.

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**:(**

**~ Em**


	42. Chapter 42

**_And so it ends..._**

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_Epilogue_

Your funeral, Ig, was beautiful. Much too soon, but beautiful.

I'm sorry. I'm so incredibly sorry. Maybe if I'd made different choices, we would have had more time. _You_ would have had more time.

Nobody had any more suggestions after your date came back, not even Doctor G-H. 'If we had more time,' he said. Maybe, if we'd had more time, we could have gone back to all those places to which we say we'll never return. Maybe we could have searched through them all, one by one; read all the data; found a loophole somewhere. But there wasn't enough time, was there?

Time. It always comes down to time, doesn't it? It's too easy to say that you should have had more. But in the end, I guess you did get more than we thought. Just a single day, but you didn't waste it. You weren't as scared of Death as I am. You saw that day as a blessing, and by the end of it, when it was... time, you seemed happy.

Yes. You were happy when you died. I know that. We were all with you, and you were so brave. Braver than us. It hurt, so much, but... I guess that's life.

I don't know where you are, but... I hope there are more explosives for you to use than you could ever have dreamed of. After being able to see, wasn't that pretty high up on the list of things you wanted? At least I know your biggest wish came true. I don't quite know what the price for your new eyes was, and I'm not sure that it's been paid yet. I suppose we'll have to wait if we want to find out. But all that really matters is that you got to see.

I'll miss you, Ig, but... not too much. You wouldn't have wanted it to cripple me – you told me so yourself. So I'll carry on living me life with the Flock, and somehow I guess we'll all adapt. It'll take time, but unlike you, that's something we have. Too much, it feels like at the moment. I know that if any one of us could have given some of our time to you, we would have done, no matter the cost. But once again, it's all too late. I don't know what will happen in the future; if we'll stay here with Ella and Dr M; if Fang will stick around; what Jeb will do.

I know this, though:

We'll never forget you, Ig. All the times we spent together, you fighting next to me, us all huddled round watching you ignite a fire, build a bomb, cook us dinner. The first time you truly saw me with your own eyes. No, we'll never forget you. Ever.

Love always,

Nudge.

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**And, that's it. I just want to say thanks to _everyone_ who's read and reviewed this fic - you never fail to make me smile.**

**I really hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it. I'm really going to miss it, surprisingly.**

**Thank you all.**

**~ Em**

**:D**


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